Just finished shopping at Publix here in Nashville. Publix is a grocery store that is way over priced, but its worth it because they taught all their employees to fake that they care you’re there. As I was leaving I had no fewer than four employees tell me to have a nice day on the way out.

I have often wondered how one goes about having a nice day. What even constitutes a nice day in the first place? I mean how hard is it? I suppose not getting electrocuted would define a nice day to some, but what about clipping your nails? If your nails are too long, and they bug you, then to have them clipped would be nice. Since that niceness happened within the course of a day, then apparently you have had a nice day.

What if, on the other hand, something goes wrong during the day that makes it a bad day but later something nice happens? Which day is it then, nice or not? Is there a rule? Maybe the last place the day landed becomes the defining characteristic for the day; you think? Why do we say "have a nice day," but when it isn’t nice we say we are having a “bad" day. Shouldn’t it be we’re having a “mean” day? Isn’t mean the opposite of nice?

I also think we need to take into consideration who we are asking to have a nice day, since that could make all the difference. A nice day to me may not be considered so nice to, say, Attila the Hun, for example. His idea of a nice day starts with crushing the skulls of his enemies with battle-axes and broadswords and ends sweetly with some ill-gotten gains of meat, vegetables and animal skins. Oh and lets not forget a nightcap of raping and pillaging.

Putting the pressure on a stranger to have a nice day is also off putting and potentially insulting. How do you know I’m not in the middle of a nice day? Maybe this is one of the nicest days I have ever had, then you come along and ruin it by implying it’s not nice enough. Now I’m starting to get paranoid about my settling for my pathetic nice day, when there was a nicer one waiting for me, as long as I ran into a cashier and bagger at the grocery store to encourage me toward the promised land. What do they know that I don’t?

Yes, I get most of my life encouragement and motivation from people making seven bucks an hour. I think ultimately the term “have a nice day” is an insult. Why would anyone ever need a reminder to have a nice day, as if it never occurred to you until that moment? What idiot wakes up and hopes for a crappy day? Who isn’t always, every day shooting for a nice one?

All in all, I’m simply saying that having a nice day may not happen, since I don’t control the universe. On the other hand, if we encouraged each other to make a nice day, we just might be onto something. Anyhow that’s my thought for today, so have a good one. …Hey, wait a minute …