I went to the doctor the other day because my wife said there was a spot on my nose and I should have him look at it. Wives, after all these years, are still incredibly naïve when it comes to male health. The first rule of thumb is always “if there is something on your body that appears unusual, the more you ignore it, the better chance it has of healing itself.”

Putting off healthcare is a man’s solemn duty, for we always have the internal strength to will sickness and disease away. It is our birthright. To disregard something is to make it go away. It even works when she asks you to take out the trash. I ended up going to the doctor after all, simply so I could have some peace and quiet, since her constant nagging was making it difficult to ignore my nose and thus my healing process was being stymied.

The doctor did look at it and felt it probably wasn’t cancer. Huh? Who said anything about cancer? (What is it with these people? Every little ache you bring them has to be diagnosed by first ruling out cancer.) He decided he would burn it off using freeze spray stuff – I believe that was the technical term he used – and would look at it again in a couple weeks.

Did anyone out there hear me? I have reached a place in my life where professionals are recommending I burn off parts of my body in order to keep me alive! Not to mention that while the intern was examining my nose, she began to go over other areas of my face that may be of concern, specifically an area on my lip that could also be burned off “just to be on the safe side.” She highly recommended the lip procedure because, as she so calmly stated, “if there was to be surgery on your face the lips seem to be the most difficult to fix without causing disfigurement.”

Are you serious? I just came in here to get my wife off my back, and my reward is the possibility that I could end up like the elephant man! See if I ever show up in this office again! What a bunch of quacks! I have noticed aches in my shoulders now for quite sometime, but only when I try to lift my daughter up over my head.

My knees are ok, but my wrists have been sore for a few years after I started training in martial arts and was punching the heavy bag without wraps. I probably could go to an orthopedic surgeon to get scoped or x-rayed or even given some pain medication and stretching exercises.

I’m just hesitant, because the minute I do, I’m sure to find out I have a swollen prostate and colon polyps. If they would just stick to my complaints in the areas I’m complaining about, it would all run so much smoother. I’ll probably just ignore it until my wife forces me to go. Like I always said, “ Never put off until tomorrow, what you can ignore today.”